标签归档:心理

Should You Quit Your Job?

by Jordan B. Peterson

Irises 1889 painting by Vincent van Gogh
In May 1889, after episodes of self-mutilation and hospitalization, Vincent van Gogh chose to enter an asylum in Saint-Rémy, France. There, in the last year before his death, he created almost 130 paintings. Within the first week, he began Irises, working from nature in the asylum’s garden.

Q: What do you say to those viewers that don’t pursue their dreams and are locked into their careers? Because they’re too afraid to take risks and pursue something meaningful.

A: Well, the first thing I would say is you should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful, but you should be more afraid of staying where you’re if it’s making you miserable.
It’s like the first thing you want to do is dispense with the idea that you get ot have any permanent security outside of your ability to contend and adapt. It’s the same issue with children. It’s like you are paying a price by sitting there being miserable.
And you might say “well, the devil I konw is better than the one I don’t.” Don’t be so sure of that. The clock is ticking.
And if you’re miserable in your job now and you change nothing in five years, you’ll be much more miserable and you’ll be a lot older.

Q: But isn’t it a luxury to pursue what is meaningful? Our viewers have mortgages. They have children. They have payments and loans. It’s a luxury to pursue because we lack the resources.

A: Well, I don’t think. Remember now. I’m not talking about what makes you happy. It’s a luxury to pursue what makes you happy. It’s a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful.
And that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It might require sacrifice.
If you need to change your job too. let’s say you have a family and children, and a mortgage, you have responsibilities. You’ve already picked up those responsibilities. You don’t just get to walk away scot-free and say “well I don’t like my job. I quit.” That’s no strategy.
But what you might have to do is you think,
“well this job is killing my soul”
“Alright. So what do I have to do about that?”
“Well, I have to look for another job.”
“Well, no one wants to hire me.”
It’s like “okay.”
Maybe you need to educate yourself more.
Maybe you need to update your curriculum vitae, your resume.
Maybe you need to overcome your fear of being inteviewed.
Maybe you need to sharpen your social skills.
You have to think about these things strategically if you’re going to switch careers.
You have to do it like an intelligent responsible person.
That might take you a couple of years of effort, to do properly.

Q: When you say persue something meaningful. Is it important to have a vocation?

A: I think it’s more important to have an ethos, an ethic.
The first thing that you want to do is figure out imagine you were taking care of yourself like your were someone you cared for.
Then you should figure out if you could have what you needed and wanted what would it be?
What sort of friends would you have?
What would your family relationships look like?
How would you conduct yourself with your children?
How would you educate yourself?
You need to think through how it is that your life could be properly arranged if you had that ability.
And then you can aim at that.

And the funny thing is that if you do pause at a goal of that sort and work towards it, you will move towards it. The goal will change because you’ll learn things along the way.
I mean I’ve dealt with hundreds of people in my clinical and consulting practice and we set a goal, we develop a vision and work towards it and it things inevitably get better for people.
So it’s not a luxury. It’s difficult. It’s a moral responsibility and it isn’t happiness. The pursuit isn’t for happiness.
And that might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Because if the structure you’re in is going in that direction, and you can’t stop it. It’s like get the hell out of there and find something else.
So it’s not that hard to find a job when you already have a job. That’s another thing to keep in mind too. Whenever you’re working and you will be.

Especially in the world that the world of today where jobs are relatively uncertain. You should always have an escape route planned.
And it should be active because if you don’t have an escape route and you can’t get away, you can’t say no.
And if you can’t say no you can’t bargain.
And if you can’t bargain, you’re a slave.

So those that’s how the world is set out at the moment. It’s probably always been like that, but it’s something that you really need to know. Because you got to watch if your being is objecting to someone to something that someone is forcing you to do, maybe you’re right. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.

And lots of people end up living meaningless lives. And that’s not a very good term because there’s no such thing as a meaningless life. Because one of the meanings of life is suffering. And there’s no bloody way you’re going to escape that. So you will not have a meaningless life. You’ll have a life that’s only suffering and I wouldn’t recommend that.

我们为什么焦虑

写在前面的话

有时常常想一个问题,我自己也好抑或其它人也好,大家为什么都这么焦虑,这么急躁的追名逐利。原因是什么?一天偶然看见孙立平教授的一篇短文,感觉解答了部分原因,这里分享给诸君。

P.S. 问自己:如何能得到内心的平静,做到常于闹市行,不失寂静心!


以下为转载:

《人人都想当人上人的**社会》
by 孙立平教授

对于这个话题,其实我已经思考了很长时间了。为什么会思考这样一个话题呢?来自于一种对现实生活的感触:为什么我们没钱的时候活不好,有钱了也还是活不好?

按道理说,在当今的时代,科学技术在进步,社会在发展,人们理应生活得更轻松一点,更自由一点。但是我们现在能看到的是什么呢?能看到的是,甚至就是那些属于精英阶层的人,有的想要有一个正常的家庭生活和正常的个人生活都是一件奢侈的事情。问题还不仅于此,更让人感叹的是,在这样一种情况下,许多人好像还觉得心甘情愿,还觉得非常自豪?

潜藏在这背后的,是一种极为强有力的思维:一心一意想成为人上人、把成为人上人当作自己成功标志。我们千万不要小看了这个东西,可以说,这是我们社会当中很多问题的一个病根。

刚才我看到一篇文章。在这篇文章中作者讲到:中国人奴性的本源是什么?就是都想成为人上人,从而放弃了自由和尊严。老实说,刚看到这个题目的时候,我还很难马上把奴性和想成为人上人这两件事情联系起来。后来想想,确实不是没有道理。这个问题我们后面再说。
我们还是接着说人上人这样一种思维和价值观。

大约十几年前,我曾经写过一篇文章,叫《中产阶层,不仅仅是一种位置,也是一个家园》。这个家园其实就是一种生活状态。为了拥有这样的家园,拥有这样的状态,你当然需要去努力,甚至需要去竞争。但是我们应当知道,这个竞争实际上是一种手段,而不是目标。

生活与体育比赛不同。体育比赛是以战胜别人为目标。体育比赛往往要设一二三等奖,奖项的等级越高,名额越少,竞争越激烈。这里面体现的一个原则是:以别人的挫折感,甚至是很多人的挫折感,来衬托成功者的成功,并以此来娱乐观看比赛的观众。

但社会生活不是比赛。在社会生活中,我们每个人都是参与者,我们的目的不是为了娱乐别人,生活本身就是目的。我们要通过对生活的参与来满足自己的需求,实现自己的目标。假如从这样一个角度来理解,一个好的社会,一个正常的社会,应该让大多数人有一种成就感,至少应该感到心安理得。只肯定前几名,其余的人都成为映衬成功者荣耀的陪衬人的社会,一定是一个迷失了方向的畸形社会。

但在现实中,人们往往把体育的原则搬到生活里来:你得战胜别人,你得超过别人,你得比别人强。这种满足感或是成功的标准不是客观的、实质性的,而是相对的,他只要比别人强。比别人强就是好的。所以,哪怕是在房地产广告中,也充斥着这样的词汇:帝景、王府、豪宅、尊贵、至尊等等。衡量小孩成功的标准,好像只要你考不上北大清华,在某种程度上就是一种失败。

这样一来,实际上就把无数的人逼上了一种成功的死胡同,或是烦恼的不归路。这么大的一个国家,十几亿人口,要真正想成为人上人,要站到鄙视链的顶尖上,概率有多大?所以,当人一走到这条路上来,就相当于进入了一个赢的概率很小的赌场:你要为这样一个很小的概率进行希望渺茫的不懈奋斗,结果却往往是一辈子都没过好。这就是无数人焦虑的来源。
为什么人们都很难免走上这样的一条路呢?除了客观的原因之外,与我们的思维,与我们的价值观,不无关系。

第一,我们缺少一种内在的价值尺度,缺少一种心灵之根。记得有一次,好像是在北欧,在火车上碰到一个北欧的小伙子,我们问他,你今年人生有什么目标吗?他很轻松很快乐地说,我今年的目标就是想攒一个去度假的钱。他就是把这样一个有限的、实实在在的东西当做一种价值,能够实现它,我就很高兴。但是我们很多人不是。我们不是为了达到一个具体的什么目的,我们的目的是比别人强,是成为人上人。但生活是残酷的,你想着我要比别人强,现实确实无数的人比你强。

第二个因素,为什么强调人上人呢,和我们这个社会当中比较讲究整体、群体,讲究人际关系,注重别人的评价有直接关系。也就是说,人们对自己的很多判断,实际上是来自于别人的评价,特别是和他关系比较密切的那些人的评价,而不是他自己就有一个标准。于是,亲友聚在一起,话题就往往是,你的孩子考了多少分?上了什么学校?住的房子有多大?我们不是生活在自己的世界中,而是生活在别人的眼光里。

更要命的是,既然这么大的努力已经做了,这么大的代价也已经付了,人们也就做好了容忍更多代价和牺牲的准备。有的人为什么越活越“坏”?越老越“坏”?因为他一辈子已经付出太多。在经历了无数的无回报付出之后,他就会把需要继续付出的,比如说尊严、自由等这样的成本看得越来越淡:我以前都付出了这么大的代价,如果现在我顾忌尊严、自由这些东西,不继续赌下去,那原来付出的成本不是白付了吗?

所以从这个意义上,我们就可以反过来理解刚才那篇文章说的问题:很多人的奴性是怎么来的?实际上就是在把成为人上人作为一个至高无上的目标的征途上,将奴性理解为是实现这样一个最高目标可以付出的代价。